FROM DIAPERS TO DIAPERS

All those years in between are what we refer to as life.

I was meeting this week with a publicist and we were talking about the book I wrote on breast cancer. His concern was with the title. He is a writer and editor as well so he thought that was his job. It is called Tittatts: Life After Breast Cancer. He wondered if that might be offensive to anyone ‘given my age’. He also wondered if people of all ages would know that ‘tatts’ referred to tattoos and would that be accepted by the masses? I stopped short of hurting him but it has been on my mind ever since then.

His perception was that perhaps a teenager might refer to breasts as tits but it might not fly well with all older ages. In fact, perhaps it is not even a word women refer to as often as men. Did I ever consider changing it? No. The name won’t be changed. You know exactly what portion of the anatomy I am referring to.

I went on to tell him that I had been wrestling with the name in the beginning and late one night, while talking to a publisher who was working with me, I said, “Kent, just call it BOOBS. I am going to bed.” The next day I was shopping at a book store with my daughter and I ran smack into a book on breast cancer with that name. My daughter said, “Mom, just call yours Tit Tatts. No one will use that.”

The publicist’s next question was “Can I mount a campaign based on your looks at your age?” He may be left with a scar. “NO”.

You think I might be a little sensitive? Probably. But if he had known my feelings about that he wouldn’t have put himself at risk. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t care if I were 25 but I do think I have always been interested. Otherwise I wouldn’t have formed such a strong opinion. I remember hoping I lived a long, long time – providing I was not disabled by health or age. I didn’t want anyone having to change my diapers.

I read something a few years ago that impressed me more than it should but it matched my feelings so closely I adopted it as my very own. Once you announce your age, you become that age. It is not merely a matter of vanity. Age defines you immediately. You automatically change your perception of that person as soon as you know their age. You know what a ‘person that age’ should look like, act like and be.

We have a preconceived notion of what you are supposed to look like at each milestone. You are expected to ‘act your age’. Until you know that number, you don’t really expect anything. It is the announcement of it that starts the wheels turning. Pick up the newspaper and see how many stories have the person’s age immediately following their name so you can form an opinion of this person and slip them into a slot. It definitely colors your perception. Until then you are just mail or female. No other qualifiers.

I read a lot of medical reports on a variety of things. One day I read that all people can expect their body parts to ‘wear out’ by age 84. I dreaded the day that my mother would become 84. It caused me great pain to know that her parts were worn out. It is information I didn’t need. The truth is sometimes over-rated.

I have decided to work with that publicist because he is dedicated to the same cause I am and he is well qualified (especially now that he knows me better). He went on to ask if I would give anyone an honest answer if at a book signing, they asked my age. Of course. I don’t lie about it; I just don’t lead with it.